"it" just moved
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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