i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
