is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
