WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
True strength comes from lack of pants
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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