did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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