Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
50% drunk capacity currently
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love you.
Bad choice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
