if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
