Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
