u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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