a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
