I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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