i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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