Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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