She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize