I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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