i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I touched a dick in church today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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