Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
