This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
