That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
