so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
