I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
