i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
