I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
