Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
should my penis look like a turkey
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
