Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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