Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
