I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
send nudes
from the living room?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
