sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
