Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
