Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize