Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize