My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
