Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
