girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
