I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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