the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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