apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
