It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
