You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone says I win the strip club
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
