Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
