This is not my ceiling
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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