i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
