I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize