she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
