i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize