Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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