Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
