good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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