Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
