The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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