I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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