we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
