How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize