Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we made out on top of his cat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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