you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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