White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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