Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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