Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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