I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize