omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
