I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
