How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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