just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
