Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
