we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
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