pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
