oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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