you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
