i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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