you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So many bounce houses so little time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
