and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
