I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
