At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
